I Love My Mommy So Much I Wanna Throw Her In The Water
As a mother of four now-grown “children,” I get to relive my mommy moments by being a grandma. As I did with my own kids, I sing a lot to my grandkids – about everything. Why? I don’t know. I just...
View ArticleProof that ANYONE Can Be Successful
My youngest daughter is a very successful business owner. As owner and manager of an upscale consignment boutique that looks more like a fancy designer apparel and accessory shop than it does a...
View ArticleThe Horrors of Dr. P (No, he’s not a Urologist)
I should have married a dentist. I dated a couple of them. When Keith told me that I had been in the running as a possible marriage partner, I didn’t even know I was being considered. I thought we were...
View ArticleHave You Ever Worked THIS HARD to Get YOUR Driver’s License?
Last month I moved from one town to another within the same county. Like a good citizen, State Farm is there – huh? Wait – no. That’s not right. Neighbor. Neighbor. Anyway, I drove to the Department of...
View ArticleThanksgiving in a Homeless Shelter
Clare and I had been talking for years about helping out at a homeless shelter. So one year we decided that it was time to stop talking about it and just DO IT! Her kids were long gone and those of...
View ArticleThe Silk Skirt and The White Bikini
Carl had a crush on me, but though none of us in the neighborhood ever figured out exactly what Carl’s mental disorder was, his behavior was a little frightening sometimes. One day, for instance, as I...
View ArticleThe Names We Name Our Kids
Deciding on names for babies is a time-consuming process. Some parents agonize over names even after their babies arrive, and then, through hazy eyes, after going through hours of horrendous labor and...
View ArticleProving People Wrong
I used to be what Dr. Phil calls, “a right fighter” – I always had to be right about everything. I spent hours reading volumes of World Book encyclopedias to prove my points. I would get lost inside...
View ArticleThe REAL Difference Between Men and Women: A Comedy of Airs
Everybody knows that men have penises and women have vaginas, but a lot of misinformation is floating around about the difference between the two sexes. For instance, some stereotyping individuals...
View ArticleI Was at Risk for Becoming a Child Criminal
You wouldn’t know by looking at me, would you, but I was once ~almost~ (suspenseful drumroll) a child criminal. Hard to believe, isn’t it? And yet, so true. I remember the day clearly. I had just...
View ArticleSometimes Life Hands You Lemons – Sometimes You Are the Lemon
During the 90s I worked for a local television station. One individual, a popular author, who was responsible for airing the program, wrote and began shooting a movie during that time. I was more than...
View ArticleHow Illinoisans Advertise on TV
Throughout my “career,” I’ve dipped my feet into the hell, I mean well, of the advertising business, so I tend to pay attention to print ads, radio ads, and – my favorite – television commercials. I...
View ArticleJuly 21 – National Crazy Day: The Lighter Side of the Moon Child
As a citizen of this planet who is intimately familiar with this particular date, I nominate July 21st to be National Crazy Day. In 2009, I celebrated National Crazy Day with a Total Eclipse of the...
View ArticleDrunk Drowning – in the Rain
Thoughts enter our heads at the strangest times. Just a moment, frozen in time, and bam! The memory surfaces out of nowhere. . . Surrounded by friends, he had fallen asleep in a lawn chair with a beer...
View ArticleYou’re All Going to Hell!
Missy Mae was a haughty little squinty-eyed smile-at-your-face, sneer-behind-your-back kind of girl. She knew the ways of the world and she made sure to let you know that she knew the ways of the world...
View ArticleCruelest TV Show EVER
Forgive me if you’ve already watched the program I’m about to reveal, but in my defense, because I don’t have cable and because I get most of my entertainment through Netflix (my antenna allows me to...
View ArticleAsk and Ye Shall Receive
I understand how the Universe works now. In my early years I was anorexically skinny, and I thought I looked ugly. I did everything in my power to gain weight, even going so far as to take a product...
View ArticleMake Sense, Life!
Like most people, I have a problem with nonsense. Usually the bigger issues, like the current political circus, bother me, but last week, the problem was more personal. And in order to reveal to you...
View ArticleYour Gradience! What Radiant Gradient Hair!
Striding across Randolph heading north on Chicago’s Michigan Avenue on my way to work one day in the early ’70s, a complete stranger (as opposed to an incomplete stranger) stopped me in the middle of...
View ArticleTales from Woodstock 1969
On July 15, 1969, six days before I celebrated my 18th birthday, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. One month to the day after that eventful birth, the biggest historic phenomenon of my life –...
View ArticleThe Reluctant Actor Singer
As I sat in my 5th Grade English class, I slapped both hands over my mouth to prevent words, begging to be released, from erupting. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also didn’t want my ears to...
View ArticleHumor Meets Horror – The Scariest Halloween Ever – When Karma Called
The world as we know it will end with one simple act. People have predicted the world’s end probably since its beginning. And others claim that the world itself won’t end – the world as we know it will...
View ArticleMidnight Confessions of a 7-Year-Old
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. This is my first confession. My Catholic grammar school opened the year I entered the second grade. And during that year I learned a very important lesson. Everyone...
View ArticleBeady-Eyed Monster
On that night, on that horribly frightening night, in my home, where I should have felt safe, I didn’t. Because on that night – on THAT night, everything in my life changed – EVERYTHING! Searching […]
View ArticleLet’s Start a #BeLikeTrump Campaign!
What does #BeLikeTrump mean? Well, darlings, it’s a hashtag that superfluously, exaggeratedly, monumentally, and exponentially glorifies your pompous view of yourself as seen through the eyes of a...
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